Where is the Chunky Love?

I am chunky. That is the term I’ve given myself since I have found that since I was a little girl that I have been too large to be considered small and too small to be really accepted by the big girl community. I dreamed to be thin. I had perfected the art of “poking in” my pouch since the age of eight. My beautiful, plus-sized and perfectly round aunt would say “Darice you will never be skinny. But hey, look at me, I’m fat and I’m happy." Those words only seemed to terrify me further. My mother would console me by saying that I would thin out as I got taller but that didn’t happen. I have a short frame, large breast, and a round face and tummy.  I struggled with my weight throughout my childhood and even now. I was always considered cute but not just not the right type when it came to guys. It was almost like the guys at school were ashamed to talk to me.  I had all but completely lost my confidence when I found a guy, out of school, who liked me. He REALLY liked me and was proud to show me off in public. But I began to notice little things about him soon. He always wanted to feed me. I can only really remember one date that didn’t include going out to eat. One day we were leaving the Starbucks where he worked and after he had convinced me that I needed a 550 calorie Caramel Frappuccino I joked “you would think you wanted to get me fat.” But he did. He replied “You would just be perfect if you gained about 20 more pounds.” And that cycle continued for me. Too fat, too small. Too fat, too small. 

Society has taught us that in order to be accepted you must be conventionally beautiful; that you must be tall, slender, and without noticeable flaws. More recently it has become popular to be considered “thick”-having and unnaturally small waist with large breast and an even larger behind. Larger women who are a little more round in the middle are starting to finally be accepted as well. It was great that “Homeland” featured a partially nude plus sized woman during their sex scene. & while I would have preferred that they didn’t choose to have Quinn sober in the scene, further perpetuating the stereotype that larger women are only sexy when intoxicated, they redeemed themselves when Quinn not only took the woman to breakfast but defended her honor in the face of two jerks. I am extremely proud of this. I am happy that I have a plus sized sister who is confident in her own skin and lives during a time where it is acceptable for a large woman to walk down the street of her tall, slim boyfriend with minimal glares. I guess my question remains “Why only the extremes?” In the media we either see the skinny chick or the fat chick. When are the ones who fall just short of one of the categories going to be shown? And when are we going to realize that people come in all different sizes, colors, and shapes and should not be forced to squeeze into molds in which we simply do not belong?